Monday, June 6, 2011

I had a little bit of a whiney day yesterday. On top of getting a text from Bill that we were overdrawn at the bank, the dishwasher died. I wish I'd had the grace to put it in perspective, but yesterday just wasn't my day. Hey, I'm entitled to a temper tantrum once in a while!

In researching ways to make better use of our resources, I've happened across many blogs written by women who are moving in the same direction I am. They all make it look so easy - like sunshine & roses. They all seem so graceful and committed as they hang their clothes on the line and bake bread. Never once do you hear anyone write about secretly wanting to put a massage on the credit card. Maybe they are more zen than I am. Maybe they made the move more out of desire than necessity. All I know is that most days for me include at least one freak out spell where I'm teetering between hitting Careerbuilder to look for a job and telling Bill to screw the farm, he has to come home. And yelling at my kids for being wasteful little twerps is usually in there somewhere.



Meanwhile, back on the farm......

Well, no soap making happened. I was too deeply involved in ranting yesterday to do much productive. The lower level of the house is CLEAN and the second level is on its way. PROGRESS!

We are supposed to be going to S. Ohio this weekend to look at the farm. I'm kind of "eh" about it, frankly. On the one hand, I've had some great fantasies about building an intentional community there (instead of a B&B where I would have to be attentive to people -- YUK!) surrounded by people I love drinking wine, keeping bees, goats & chickens, veggies growing, a huge state park right next to the property. Room for the doggies to run. Ahhh. Then I remember that it's in SOUTHERN OHIO...too far from A's school & where my existing client base is.


This week's goals:

- Remind myself as often as needed that this is a choice made by carefully weighing my priorities. Being available to guide A through her healing and being a better citizen of the planet are guiding my decisions. I am in a position of power.

- Take down the yukky shower curtain and clean it. (This time last year, I would have tossed it and bought a new one @ BB&B)

- Build a chart to help the kids be aware of what we're spending on a daily basis including suggestions for how we can save or make $$.

- Finish the Food Assistance application stuff.

- Weed the raised bed and try to figure out what the hell I planted in there.

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